Finally, finally I played at the Freight Open Mic last week. I did a little reconnaissance at the open mic the week before that, and the caliber of musicians performing at the Freight is pretty high, but it felt like the right place with the right crowd for me. So I packed up Ruby and went over hoping for the best, but with a healthy dose of realism- I haven't played in front of an audience in over six years after all.
I have some experience with stage fright. I consider myself to be a fairly rational person, but I have learned that there are several areas of my life where rationality and logic do not apply, no matter how much one may desire otherwise. Stage fright has nothing to do with rationality. My conscious mind fully recognizes that the audience is a group of like-minded and tolerant acoustic musicians including several of my close friends, but my body does not acknowledge this distinction. It tells me that I am about to be eaten alive by a prehistoric tiger and prepares me for the fight-or-flight of my life, possibly the last of my life. Not helpful. Not rational.
As I am stepping onto the stage, every major muscle in my body is beginning to twitch, every joint is suddenly loose and over-lubricated. My throat constricts, I bet my pupils are dilating... the point I am trying to make is that it is very hard to play a guitar or hit the right notes under these circumstances. I did my best, but it wasn't very satisfying- I think the best thing that came out of the evening (aside from the free tickets to see Molly's Revenge) is that I know for sure it's the right place for me, and I need to suck it up and play as many Open Mics as it takes to work the stage fright out of my system. Play on!
